phew!

I'm glad I'm getting this post in-as I stated earlier, I would write at least once a week-Damn, my time management skills suck!  Or maybe it's just that I'm really busy.  I never worked that much when I went to school (the first time), and now I'm putting in close to 40 hours a week, plus the ten credits of school, and to top it off, I started the cleanse yesterday!  UGGHGHGHH!  I felt crappy all day yesterday-lack of sleep and these monstorous cravings for bacon and bagels and bread.  I almost fell asleep in my statistics class-theres another thing-statistics isnt' a rabble rousing course-time drags a bit in that class, even though the professor is good.
Still-I feel pretty positive-Firstly-Obama's speech at Tuscon was very motivational-not political at all-just a call to wake up and start dealing in a productive manner.  Treat people with respect-dont' get sucked into the back and forth negativity of disagreement, as it accomplishes nothing and just makes for more hatred and less understanding and compromise.  Secondly-I've been fairly consistent with working out, and playing guitar and trying to focus on eating habits, I've been working on a short story as well.  Lastly-I started school again, which is a great feeling-it certainly realigns priorities, and helps me chill out actually.
Well, I thought I would just drop in to say hello, and I did so-I got a busy day today-school and work again, and then work at 6am tomorrow--still don't mind that early time too much.
later

so far....

I'm actually presently suprised by the motivational factor of having a blog.  I've actually started and accomplished a few things in the past couple days, even though at times I wanted to sit in PJ's and watch basketball.  I've played the guitar a few times (I hadn't played for about 4 months), I exercised a couple times-even resorted to dusting off the exercise bike sitting the corner of the second bedroom (AKA the storage closet).  I ordered the detox and cleanse stuff.  I listened and studied my self teach french book/CD.  This is a good start.  A good start.
My focus is going to be on losing weight.  This is a main pirority for this year.  I wonder what I would look like if I lost 30-40 pounds---even more, I wonder how I would feel.

I'm not overly gluttonous, and I don't feel as though I look disgustingly obese---still, if someone farts in a room, and it smells toxic, I feel that I'm subconsciously suspected in everyones mind.  Also, when I lived in Chicago, homeless people called me big guy when asking for change.  "Hey big guy, spare some change?"---tangent-if you live in a large city, with many panhandlers, you lose your sympathy for the homeless.   I would drive/bike home from work and everyday, the same guy would be walking in between cars at the same intersection.  I applaud his diligince, but couldn't he take that fortitude and apply it towards a job?  I guess I don't know the specifics of his downfall, so it's unfair for me to judge.... still, being approached over and over again and being asked for change really narrowed the tolerance and sympathy I exhibited as a child.  Kind of sad if you think about it.

I'm fairly active-this summer I kayaked routinely, played ball, went on 20 mile bike rides, jogged, swam, played tennis, and did a lot of core workouts.  I guess getting older means that activity is not enough.  This year I'm going to have to maintain the activities, but really focus on the eating.  This means choosing health foods more routinely, not drinking as much beer, trying to exhibit some portion control, and really be conscious of chewing my food.   That's the big one.  Chewing food-the first step in the digestive process-somethine I skim over.  I'm like a whale, without the baleen, suckin' everything in, chew five-six times, swallow.  I feel almost like my brain turns off while I'm eating.  Is that a disorder?  After my plate is clear, and the people I'm with are still half way through their meal, only then, do I realize the Tazmanian Devil truly controls my stomach.

I would really like it to snow, so I could get out and do some cross country skiing. 

Resolutions

Blogs are, by nature, self-indulgent.  This one is no different, but I hope it can provide entertainment for any readers that may drop in. 
I mean to be a better man in 2011, and each year thereafter.  I'm 33 years of age, still, what many would say, the prime of life, although body parts hurt more, and I have less hair (on my head), and strange BM's from time to time...yet, I digress, more on the BM's later to be sure.  This blog will motivate me to follow through-if I speak my goals outloud, to a public audience maybe I'll be better at trying to start, and either finish goals, or eliminate them as goals created by an overactive imagination.
'Resigned to Failure' may seem a morbid, title, but I'm operating under the assumption that lower expectations will yield more appreciable results.  Less fear and thought devoted to the 'what ifs' of consequence means more thought focused on completing what I set out to.
So here's how I'll proceed.  I'll make a fluid list of goals to start and either finish or eliminate as wayward goals created by an overactive imagination.
Here's a list of things I want to learn/make:
French/Portuguese, pottery, Brewing beer, tai chi, yoga, cross country skiing, kombucha, make a piece of furnitire, salsa dancing, colon cleanse and detox, guitar lessons.
Here's a list of things I want to accomplish:
Lose 30 pounds, Write a story/play, get A's in my classes.
Flaws to fix:
follow through. be more honest about many things particularly Kassi's death. instead of complaining about something-fix it. Eat bettter. 

This is a fluid list, like I said, and things will be added to it.  Some of the things in the learn list I already do, or know, but I would like to be more routine about them.

Question--- off the subject---Why the hell are the Kardahians popular?  What has Kim Kardashian
done?  It makes me mad to see that they have their own TV show.   Yet here I am, watching it, not changing the channel...WTF.

I will write at least once a week.