My friends daughter is one year old and had a stroke, eliminating her ability to use the right side of her body. There are a lot of paths this could take, and I don't want to seem unduly pessimistic, or foolishly optimistic before the diagnosis progresses and more is known. However, I feel that the impact of a child I know, a beautiful baby girl, who is sick/suffering is a further loosening of the foundation of my belief in order, and fairness in the world. Sure, this incident could prove to have a silver lining, but I do NOT under any circumstance want to hear some bullshit about GOD having a plan.
I do not claim to know much about spirituality-I believe in something-something more powerful than a bunch of dust and matter floating in space-but I don't believe for a minute that human beings are so frickin' special that we warrant special consideration from an infallible diety. If anything, we are glanced over as a speck of dirt on his nylon lapel. And there I go, causing myself annoyance by giving this...omnipitance some sort of human qualities.
I believe in a current, an energy, a life force, and yes, I love Yoda. I believe that organized religions have the ability to lead people towards that life force, but there is soooooo much dirt within the organizations, and so much posturing and ideas that are opposite of scripture that it seems people are led AWAY from the energy more than they are led TOWARDS that energy...
Anyway, my friends daughter had a stroke, at the tender age of one. She's going to have a spinal tap, and will have to relearn to use the right side of her body. This may make her stronger. But I think happy movie endings are less common then we are led to believe. I hope that she can tap into that energy, and find happiness as her life progresses. And I hope that everything turns out OK.
I have made connections between this situation and mine with Kassi. I've been thinking alot about her. Seeing images of her in that bed, I cannot erase that image. It almost feels as if that image erased the memory of her laughter, as I cannot recall that, and I haven't been able to since her death. There is still a strong presence of guilt in my life. As here I am continuing to be, while she is...elsewhere. I think her death provoked the idea of this spiritual current theory. I like the idea of her not missing it here. Of her riding the current as a group of loosley bound particles, conscious of everything else, but not concsious of here. Or an even better thought is whatever she wanted and believed is what happened to her. Life is so effin' fragile, and I take so much for granted. I want that to change. I have my health, Katie, friends and family. I have a job, and am able to go back to school for my second bachelors degree. I have so much...too much even, while others in the world have nothing.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sarah Palin comes to town
I am having a hard time fighting for my state and nation when people like this nitwit get media attention and are treated as even an outside shot for president. I always claimed to understand the republican train of thought...I guess I can accept a conservatives belief in a "free-market" economy. Even though it's flawed and not accurate at all, there are aspects of this model that are necessary for proper human drive, and survivability. What I don't get is how poor, rural, Americans think that this moron has an inkling of care for them? How does a fiscally conservative government help anyone who is poor? Or middle class? It basically gives more money to the people who already have most of the money, and less money to those who have nothing. Why are people routinely voting against their best interests? Its completely baffeling. OK. I understand the conservative fiscal beliefs, and I can even say I agree that given time, free markets will adjust accordingly. Its still an improper model and lacks humanity, but sure, I can at least see how and why that may work. What confuses me even further is the amount of crazy that is inherent in the social and philosophical dogma that conservatives preach. NO ABORTION! NO GAYS! YAY GUNS! EEECH MINORITIES! BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN ON JUPITER!
I'm not saying liberals are perfect, by no means. But at least there is a human and communal bent towards their beliefs.
I'm on break now and so it's time to return to work.
I hope people, some day, will take turns talking and listening. There is a lot of misinformation put out there by people who can make a lot of money getting us to believe certain non-truths. Let's start thinking people.
I'm not saying liberals are perfect, by no means. But at least there is a human and communal bent towards their beliefs.
I'm on break now and so it's time to return to work.
I hope people, some day, will take turns talking and listening. There is a lot of misinformation put out there by people who can make a lot of money getting us to believe certain non-truths. Let's start thinking people.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Madison WI
Governor Scott Walker is attempting to destroy unions. There is GOP constructed shortfall that he is using as an excuse to try and remove workers rights to collective bargain. In typical conservative fashion, he is unwilling to discuss the finite details of this bill with people who disagree with it. He clearly isn't telling the truth about his motives.
Here is a story about how this negatively impacts the economy in WI.:
My friend and his wife are both teachers in SW Wisconsin. And although the union voted for Barrett, I am not 100% sure that my friends did.
They have a one year old daughter, and were going to start building a brand new home this summer! As you can imagine, the construction of a brand new home, in an area with such a minimal population is like economic adrenaline.
They currently live in an old house on her parents property, and were very excited, as they should be, to construct something new to live in with their daughter.
My friend explained that these cuts and this proposal effectively eliminates 14,000 dollars from their combined incomes. $14,000!!!! Why in the name of God does anyone think that people would be OK with this? And how in the Hell does anyone think this is going to fix any 'problems' (created by Scott Walker in the first place). The fact is, that they will not be able to build this house-effectively removing a large influx of money going directly to the workers in their area. This is compounding the problem that Scott Walker claims he is trying to fix.
This is clearly an effort to destroy unions. Nothing more, Nothing less.
As an American child, I was taught optimism. My optimism, once the size of a tractor tire, has dwindled to the size of a corn kernnel. It expanded momentarily with Obama's election, but has shrunk again. Now, seeing the people come together to fight this tyrannical legislation that eviscerates normal people from their human rights enrages the kernnel so that it may burst into a charred and stale popped corn, effectively making me a pessimist. I hope beyond hope that the hours and stress and anger and thought put into this protest results in true reflection by the republicans and Governor. I hope they see that nothing can stand up against the populace when they are injured and provoked into organization. I hope that this movement doesn't die after this issue is complete. There is enough subversion with corporate interests in the GOP to fuel innumerable protests for years.
A few quotations:
Only a fool would try to deprive working men and working women of their right to join the union of their choice.
It is one of the characteristics of a free and democratic nation that is have free and independent labor unions.
Here is a story about how this negatively impacts the economy in WI.:
My friend and his wife are both teachers in SW Wisconsin. And although the union voted for Barrett, I am not 100% sure that my friends did.
They have a one year old daughter, and were going to start building a brand new home this summer! As you can imagine, the construction of a brand new home, in an area with such a minimal population is like economic adrenaline.
They currently live in an old house on her parents property, and were very excited, as they should be, to construct something new to live in with their daughter.
My friend explained that these cuts and this proposal effectively eliminates 14,000 dollars from their combined incomes. $14,000!!!! Why in the name of God does anyone think that people would be OK with this? And how in the Hell does anyone think this is going to fix any 'problems' (created by Scott Walker in the first place). The fact is, that they will not be able to build this house-effectively removing a large influx of money going directly to the workers in their area. This is compounding the problem that Scott Walker claims he is trying to fix.
This is clearly an effort to destroy unions. Nothing more, Nothing less.
As an American child, I was taught optimism. My optimism, once the size of a tractor tire, has dwindled to the size of a corn kernnel. It expanded momentarily with Obama's election, but has shrunk again. Now, seeing the people come together to fight this tyrannical legislation that eviscerates normal people from their human rights enrages the kernnel so that it may burst into a charred and stale popped corn, effectively making me a pessimist. I hope beyond hope that the hours and stress and anger and thought put into this protest results in true reflection by the republicans and Governor. I hope they see that nothing can stand up against the populace when they are injured and provoked into organization. I hope that this movement doesn't die after this issue is complete. There is enough subversion with corporate interests in the GOP to fuel innumerable protests for years.
A few quotations:
Only a fool would try to deprive working men and working women of their right to join the union of their choice.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
It is one of the characteristics of a free and democratic nation that is have free and independent labor unions.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It's been too long my friend...
I won't apologize for breaking my promise of weekly publishings, but I'm not above giving excuses. I've never been this busy!!! And it truly feels great. I'm two weeks into my cleanse, and haven't touched dairy, or gluten. I've lost 10 pounds this time, but I've continued to work out, almost daily, and I've reincorporated weight lifting back into my routine. And while my body hasn't changed drastically, I feel slimmer, and healthier-and sticking to this routine, and exercising has giving me a sense of confidence that turns lights on.
In my basic economic course (which I'm taking for a general requirement), we discussed how, generally, economics is about scarcity, or meeting unlimited needs with limited resources, and also continuous sustainable growth. This accepted definition of what a society demands for proper economic success is, in my opinion, scary, and impossible to sustain. The very definition itself is an oxymoron: trying to meet unlimited wants/needs with limited resources? Sustainable growth, with limited resources? But it seems that this is such an entrenched ideal, it would be like trying to debate the validity of religon in determining social policy with religous fundamentals. It's just accepted as truth. But this foundation is one of the reasons why our economy is bound to a sinking rock.
My argument is that you cannot have sustained growth. I mean you can, for several generations, but what this doesn't take into account are the intagibles of human nature. Once the society, as a whole, reaches a certain level of affluence, priorities shift. Desires and 'needs' alter and change. TV's aren't necessities (although I'm sure people would argue that point, but for survival they aren't necessities), cars aren't necessities...these are examples of things that have assumed the title necessities, because they aid in the ease of daily life. And I'm not discrediting that, but they aren't, in the true sense of the word survival necessities. So, you add a car, and a tv to what consumers consider a necessary item, this is growth, correct? But in doing so you are using more of the limited resources in order to supply the people with what they 'need'.
The next variable to add is population growth. So, removing all emotion from the definition, an increasing population, means an increasing work force, which most economists feel is a good thing. That work force is also the consumer, which means production of even more of the 'needs' which pulls even more of the limited resources. According to the National Geographic, the world population has grown from 1 billion people in 1800 to 6.6 billion today, and is projected to reach 9billion people by 2050, before the growth slows substantially. How is that sustainable? With the genetic modification of food, destruction of natural land, and the explosion of rural areas-sure, there are ways to do it. But what are we giving up, and, I guess the better question is WHY? WHY are people deciding to pop more and more children out? And what does this mean for the current American way of life? It's completely unsustainable.
What we are creating is a generation of entitled youth, who see people like the kardashians, and (*gag*) Jersey Shore who have money dripping out their ears, and are rewarded for being imbiciles. Showing what wealthy people do with their time and money is obviously enticing to people who are sponges, and have yet to firm up in their vision of self. Youth. They are becoming entitled in the sense that they think this wealth is attainable-they all think that. And they are told that 'you can do anything you put your mind to'. But what they are not told is that real life takes work, balance, decision making skills, responsibility, mundane routine. The bulk of real life is kind of boring. And getting the fun in life, for most of us, takes a lot of sacrifice.
I would much rather give up my TV, my car, and other luxaries, then have to walk in littered, and fenced in forest, or swim and kayak in toxic waters.
When Kassi died, I was in Chicago. An overpopulated area to be sure. A great city, if you have disposable income, and even if you don't, there is a lot to do. But it's extremely dense. When she died, I sought reflection, isolation from noise. Where the f#@% in the city of Chicago are you supposed to find a place that offers that? I found a few bandages in the Morton Arboretum, and the Garfield Conservatory. But that very rarely offered true isolation. There is something very healing about not hearing any motors, and even in Madison I have a 30 min. drive to get to those places.
I realize that this is stating opinion and not offering direct solutions. I guess the solution to the problem is multi-faceted: individuals making decisions about what they 'need', people being happy with the things they do have influence over, the Kardashians, and Jersey Shore and other shows like it that give credibility to imbecile rich people being pulled off the air. And finally, the worth of the natural world has to be raised in the minds of many, many people.
Ok, enough ranting. I want to go on a vacation...
In my basic economic course (which I'm taking for a general requirement), we discussed how, generally, economics is about scarcity, or meeting unlimited needs with limited resources, and also continuous sustainable growth. This accepted definition of what a society demands for proper economic success is, in my opinion, scary, and impossible to sustain. The very definition itself is an oxymoron: trying to meet unlimited wants/needs with limited resources? Sustainable growth, with limited resources? But it seems that this is such an entrenched ideal, it would be like trying to debate the validity of religon in determining social policy with religous fundamentals. It's just accepted as truth. But this foundation is one of the reasons why our economy is bound to a sinking rock.
My argument is that you cannot have sustained growth. I mean you can, for several generations, but what this doesn't take into account are the intagibles of human nature. Once the society, as a whole, reaches a certain level of affluence, priorities shift. Desires and 'needs' alter and change. TV's aren't necessities (although I'm sure people would argue that point, but for survival they aren't necessities), cars aren't necessities...these are examples of things that have assumed the title necessities, because they aid in the ease of daily life. And I'm not discrediting that, but they aren't, in the true sense of the word survival necessities. So, you add a car, and a tv to what consumers consider a necessary item, this is growth, correct? But in doing so you are using more of the limited resources in order to supply the people with what they 'need'.
The next variable to add is population growth. So, removing all emotion from the definition, an increasing population, means an increasing work force, which most economists feel is a good thing. That work force is also the consumer, which means production of even more of the 'needs' which pulls even more of the limited resources. According to the National Geographic, the world population has grown from 1 billion people in 1800 to 6.6 billion today, and is projected to reach 9billion people by 2050, before the growth slows substantially. How is that sustainable? With the genetic modification of food, destruction of natural land, and the explosion of rural areas-sure, there are ways to do it. But what are we giving up, and, I guess the better question is WHY? WHY are people deciding to pop more and more children out? And what does this mean for the current American way of life? It's completely unsustainable.
What we are creating is a generation of entitled youth, who see people like the kardashians, and (*gag*) Jersey Shore who have money dripping out their ears, and are rewarded for being imbiciles. Showing what wealthy people do with their time and money is obviously enticing to people who are sponges, and have yet to firm up in their vision of self. Youth. They are becoming entitled in the sense that they think this wealth is attainable-they all think that. And they are told that 'you can do anything you put your mind to'. But what they are not told is that real life takes work, balance, decision making skills, responsibility, mundane routine. The bulk of real life is kind of boring. And getting the fun in life, for most of us, takes a lot of sacrifice.
I would much rather give up my TV, my car, and other luxaries, then have to walk in littered, and fenced in forest, or swim and kayak in toxic waters.
When Kassi died, I was in Chicago. An overpopulated area to be sure. A great city, if you have disposable income, and even if you don't, there is a lot to do. But it's extremely dense. When she died, I sought reflection, isolation from noise. Where the f#@% in the city of Chicago are you supposed to find a place that offers that? I found a few bandages in the Morton Arboretum, and the Garfield Conservatory. But that very rarely offered true isolation. There is something very healing about not hearing any motors, and even in Madison I have a 30 min. drive to get to those places.
I realize that this is stating opinion and not offering direct solutions. I guess the solution to the problem is multi-faceted: individuals making decisions about what they 'need', people being happy with the things they do have influence over, the Kardashians, and Jersey Shore and other shows like it that give credibility to imbecile rich people being pulled off the air. And finally, the worth of the natural world has to be raised in the minds of many, many people.
Ok, enough ranting. I want to go on a vacation...
Friday, January 14, 2011
phew!
I'm glad I'm getting this post in-as I stated earlier, I would write at least once a week-Damn, my time management skills suck! Or maybe it's just that I'm really busy. I never worked that much when I went to school (the first time), and now I'm putting in close to 40 hours a week, plus the ten credits of school, and to top it off, I started the cleanse yesterday! UGGHGHGHH! I felt crappy all day yesterday-lack of sleep and these monstorous cravings for bacon and bagels and bread. I almost fell asleep in my statistics class-theres another thing-statistics isnt' a rabble rousing course-time drags a bit in that class, even though the professor is good.
Still-I feel pretty positive-Firstly-Obama's speech at Tuscon was very motivational-not political at all-just a call to wake up and start dealing in a productive manner. Treat people with respect-dont' get sucked into the back and forth negativity of disagreement, as it accomplishes nothing and just makes for more hatred and less understanding and compromise. Secondly-I've been fairly consistent with working out, and playing guitar and trying to focus on eating habits, I've been working on a short story as well. Lastly-I started school again, which is a great feeling-it certainly realigns priorities, and helps me chill out actually.
Well, I thought I would just drop in to say hello, and I did so-I got a busy day today-school and work again, and then work at 6am tomorrow--still don't mind that early time too much.
later
Still-I feel pretty positive-Firstly-Obama's speech at Tuscon was very motivational-not political at all-just a call to wake up and start dealing in a productive manner. Treat people with respect-dont' get sucked into the back and forth negativity of disagreement, as it accomplishes nothing and just makes for more hatred and less understanding and compromise. Secondly-I've been fairly consistent with working out, and playing guitar and trying to focus on eating habits, I've been working on a short story as well. Lastly-I started school again, which is a great feeling-it certainly realigns priorities, and helps me chill out actually.
Well, I thought I would just drop in to say hello, and I did so-I got a busy day today-school and work again, and then work at 6am tomorrow--still don't mind that early time too much.
later
Saturday, January 8, 2011
so far....
I'm actually presently suprised by the motivational factor of having a blog. I've actually started and accomplished a few things in the past couple days, even though at times I wanted to sit in PJ's and watch basketball. I've played the guitar a few times (I hadn't played for about 4 months), I exercised a couple times-even resorted to dusting off the exercise bike sitting the corner of the second bedroom (AKA the storage closet). I ordered the detox and cleanse stuff. I listened and studied my self teach french book/CD. This is a good start. A good start.
My focus is going to be on losing weight. This is a main pirority for this year. I wonder what I would look like if I lost 30-40 pounds---even more, I wonder how I would feel.
I'm not overly gluttonous, and I don't feel as though I look disgustingly obese---still, if someone farts in a room, and it smells toxic, I feel that I'm subconsciously suspected in everyones mind. Also, when I lived in Chicago, homeless people called me big guy when asking for change. "Hey big guy, spare some change?"---tangent-if you live in a large city, with many panhandlers, you lose your sympathy for the homeless. I would drive/bike home from work and everyday, the same guy would be walking in between cars at the same intersection. I applaud his diligince, but couldn't he take that fortitude and apply it towards a job? I guess I don't know the specifics of his downfall, so it's unfair for me to judge.... still, being approached over and over again and being asked for change really narrowed the tolerance and sympathy I exhibited as a child. Kind of sad if you think about it.
I'm fairly active-this summer I kayaked routinely, played ball, went on 20 mile bike rides, jogged, swam, played tennis, and did a lot of core workouts. I guess getting older means that activity is not enough. This year I'm going to have to maintain the activities, but really focus on the eating. This means choosing health foods more routinely, not drinking as much beer, trying to exhibit some portion control, and really be conscious of chewing my food. That's the big one. Chewing food-the first step in the digestive process-somethine I skim over. I'm like a whale, without the baleen, suckin' everything in, chew five-six times, swallow. I feel almost like my brain turns off while I'm eating. Is that a disorder? After my plate is clear, and the people I'm with are still half way through their meal, only then, do I realize the Tazmanian Devil truly controls my stomach.
I would really like it to snow, so I could get out and do some cross country skiing.
My focus is going to be on losing weight. This is a main pirority for this year. I wonder what I would look like if I lost 30-40 pounds---even more, I wonder how I would feel.
I'm not overly gluttonous, and I don't feel as though I look disgustingly obese---still, if someone farts in a room, and it smells toxic, I feel that I'm subconsciously suspected in everyones mind. Also, when I lived in Chicago, homeless people called me big guy when asking for change. "Hey big guy, spare some change?"---tangent-if you live in a large city, with many panhandlers, you lose your sympathy for the homeless. I would drive/bike home from work and everyday, the same guy would be walking in between cars at the same intersection. I applaud his diligince, but couldn't he take that fortitude and apply it towards a job? I guess I don't know the specifics of his downfall, so it's unfair for me to judge.... still, being approached over and over again and being asked for change really narrowed the tolerance and sympathy I exhibited as a child. Kind of sad if you think about it.
I'm fairly active-this summer I kayaked routinely, played ball, went on 20 mile bike rides, jogged, swam, played tennis, and did a lot of core workouts. I guess getting older means that activity is not enough. This year I'm going to have to maintain the activities, but really focus on the eating. This means choosing health foods more routinely, not drinking as much beer, trying to exhibit some portion control, and really be conscious of chewing my food. That's the big one. Chewing food-the first step in the digestive process-somethine I skim over. I'm like a whale, without the baleen, suckin' everything in, chew five-six times, swallow. I feel almost like my brain turns off while I'm eating. Is that a disorder? After my plate is clear, and the people I'm with are still half way through their meal, only then, do I realize the Tazmanian Devil truly controls my stomach.
I would really like it to snow, so I could get out and do some cross country skiing.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Resolutions
Blogs are, by nature, self-indulgent. This one is no different, but I hope it can provide entertainment for any readers that may drop in.
I mean to be a better man in 2011, and each year thereafter. I'm 33 years of age, still, what many would say, the prime of life, although body parts hurt more, and I have less hair (on my head), and strange BM's from time to time...yet, I digress, more on the BM's later to be sure. This blog will motivate me to follow through-if I speak my goals outloud, to a public audience maybe I'll be better at trying to start, and either finish goals, or eliminate them as goals created by an overactive imagination.
'Resigned to Failure' may seem a morbid, title, but I'm operating under the assumption that lower expectations will yield more appreciable results. Less fear and thought devoted to the 'what ifs' of consequence means more thought focused on completing what I set out to.
So here's how I'll proceed. I'll make a fluid list of goals to start and either finish or eliminate as wayward goals created by an overactive imagination.
Here's a list of things I want to learn/make:
French/Portuguese, pottery, Brewing beer, tai chi, yoga, cross country skiing, kombucha, make a piece of furnitire, salsa dancing, colon cleanse and detox, guitar lessons.
Here's a list of things I want to accomplish:
Lose 30 pounds, Write a story/play, get A's in my classes.
Flaws to fix:
follow through. be more honest about many things particularly Kassi's death. instead of complaining about something-fix it. Eat bettter.
This is a fluid list, like I said, and things will be added to it. Some of the things in the learn list I already do, or know, but I would like to be more routine about them.
Question--- off the subject---Why the hell are the Kardahians popular? What has Kim Kardashian
done? It makes me mad to see that they have their own TV show. Yet here I am, watching it, not changing the channel...WTF.
I will write at least once a week.
I mean to be a better man in 2011, and each year thereafter. I'm 33 years of age, still, what many would say, the prime of life, although body parts hurt more, and I have less hair (on my head), and strange BM's from time to time...yet, I digress, more on the BM's later to be sure. This blog will motivate me to follow through-if I speak my goals outloud, to a public audience maybe I'll be better at trying to start, and either finish goals, or eliminate them as goals created by an overactive imagination.
'Resigned to Failure' may seem a morbid, title, but I'm operating under the assumption that lower expectations will yield more appreciable results. Less fear and thought devoted to the 'what ifs' of consequence means more thought focused on completing what I set out to.
So here's how I'll proceed. I'll make a fluid list of goals to start and either finish or eliminate as wayward goals created by an overactive imagination.
Here's a list of things I want to learn/make:
French/Portuguese, pottery, Brewing beer, tai chi, yoga, cross country skiing, kombucha, make a piece of furnitire, salsa dancing, colon cleanse and detox, guitar lessons.
Here's a list of things I want to accomplish:
Lose 30 pounds, Write a story/play, get A's in my classes.
Flaws to fix:
follow through. be more honest about many things particularly Kassi's death. instead of complaining about something-fix it. Eat bettter.
This is a fluid list, like I said, and things will be added to it. Some of the things in the learn list I already do, or know, but I would like to be more routine about them.
Question--- off the subject---Why the hell are the Kardahians popular? What has Kim Kardashian
done? It makes me mad to see that they have their own TV show. Yet here I am, watching it, not changing the channel...WTF.
I will write at least once a week.
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